I believe you have my stapler

There are only so many ways to spice up the benign décor of an office cube. I work for an office furniture dealer. Our business is making offices looks welcoming and trendy and colorful and yet still I stare at sand colored panels and granite colored desk tops all day. I want the people around me to know that I won’t settle for bland; I am not a bland person. I want color, I want humor, I want life. But even though my apartment is straight out of the clearance section of Urban Outfitters apartment dept, I have trouble reconstructing that cozy colorful chic in my corporate cave. While most of the women in the office have no trouble letting everyone know that their children and grand children are the apples of their eye as they use all available thumb tacks to plaster their cubes with baby pictures and wedding announcements and Anne Geddes calendars, I (HAPPILY) cannot use the same theme. So instead I’ve got a tasteful array of pictures. One of the fam, one of Zoey, one of the Ann St conquistadors, one of Doc and I at Lollapalooza (to show that no, I am not a directionless downtown spinster, yet I am still young and carefree and love music festivals more than a ring on my finger). But its just not enough. It still looks like any other employee cube trying to prove that they have a life outside of the office.

But since I am not going to spend $10 on a “Drab to Fab!” DIY office cube decorating book (Who IS buying this book? What office would let an employee decorate their cube in animal fur and bamboo?? I’m going to say probably not PETA) I still have to resort to pieces of me (and Ashlee Simpson) around my area. So I’ve taken to going to great lengths to find an appropriate yet thought provoking and eye catching background for my computer. No standard Windows XP “bliss” rolling green hills for me.

First was a painting made by a 4 year old "prodigy/fraud" named Marla Olmstead. It was only a matter of time before someone tried to exploit the simple, superficial view of abstract art. The idea behind the documentary was that these parents are trying to sell their 4 year old daughter's finger painting as masterpieces from the prodigy of Picasso. I am slightly torn with this argument. On one hand, I have always been a supporter of "everything is art" and anyone can create beauty in their own eyes and who are we to disagree? But this story seems to teeter on parents trying to cash in on the gray area of abstract art. Personally, I love exploring the Contemporary Art Museum, not for the art itself, but for what is behind the art, what the artist saw in it. And something tells me this cute little Marla was not thinking about starting a revolution or a new dimension of the mind with her paintbrush and cute little bob haircut. So even though I have to agree with the skeptics on this one, the art is still colorful and fun and has a cool and controversial story behind it so I used her as the splash of color and creativity my cube needed.

So now its time to mix things up for the next honored piece of art to be showcased in my 8x8 number-crunching platform. Erin showed me this awesome toolbar feature called Stumble Upon. Its a button that gets added to your toolbar that takes to you any thousands of random websites to explore. When you download it, it asks what your interested in and tunes into what you want to read about. I chose art and photography as one of my interests so when i click my little "stumble upon" button during a slow Friday afternoon at work, I usually find myself at photographers websites. I would spend too much of company time staring at photos of commonplace items brought to the forefront of your attention because of the colors and sharp focus of them. And the way photographers can make you want to land in middle of exquisite nature. So when I thought photography might be just the thing my computer needed, who better to look to for a shot than Annie Lebowitz, the legendary photographer in the inner circle of Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone, and Vogue. I love her work for the same reason I love abstract art. The stories behind them. Her book is story after story of photo shoots with celebrities all over the world. I love nothing more than to hear about how the Vanity Fair July cover project came to be and her Alice in Couture feature in Vogue and, of course, the infamous and sobering photo of J. Lennon and Yoko the day of his assassination. Chills.

So after clicking through hundreds of shots that she has done, I found one of Pete Seeger's banjo with a saying that stuck with me. "This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender." What more is there to say?

It means no worries, for the rest of your days!

Every person has that one school subject that they continue to have nightmares about. For some it is Math (obviously not me considering my career choices so far…), for others it is English (Sentence diagramming, anyone?), for me it is science. The only science class I could ever force myself not to doodle my way through was chemistry and that was only because it was mostly math-related chemical equations. So bare with me now as I attempt to write an educated essay on biology.

I’m working hard to open myself up to more educational entertainment outside the realm of Johnny Depps new movie and where I can get a cheap massage (New School for Massage). Since I moved into my new apartment and no longer have to live like a caveman without cable or Internet, I watch more Discovery channel (this is mostly due to Doc’s aggressive claim to the remote most nights to watch Survivorman) and check out the National Geographic’s website (amazing photography). In this month’s Vanity Fair (lots of awesome articles in December’s issue as you can tell by now) I decided to try reading an article about some bamboo plant that plagues an area of India every 50 years (“Waiting for the Plague” by Alex Shoumatoff). When after 15 min my attention had not yet been seduced by the glossy ads for Bottega Venetta and Prada, I knew I was going to have to share this event with you. So lets take a moment to acknowledge the fact that Jen actually has some substance to her beyond her desire to live in a high-rise loft downtown and becoming a close and personal friend of Ashley Olsen…….Thank you. Now back to the bamboo (PS – did you know Big Boi from Outkast named his kid Bamboo? Reason #12,634,757 Outkast is wicked cool)

So there is a region in India called Mizoram where their main material for sustaining their lifestyle is the bamboo that grows in droves in the area. Once ever 48-50 years the bamboo flowers and grows fruit, after the fruit is picked the bamboo dies and regrows over the next few years. But the people of the area are plagued by rats during the time that the bamboo flowers, as the rats feed on the fruit. The people call this plague “mautam”. This puts the people in a battle for food, and consequently life, with rats. It also spawns the population of the rats. This is because normally adult rats eat their young. Sounds traumatic but it’s for survival due to the lack of what it is rats usually eat in the area. This keeps the rat population low and under control. But when the bamboo flowers and produces the fruit, the rats no longer have to have a feast of babies, but of fruit. This leaves the people of Mizoram in a state of desperation, with the bamboo dead and the rats attacking the fruit, they have no food to survive the following years until the new bamboo grows again. The people of Mizoram are in constant contest with the rats. Even when the bamboo is dormant (not producing the fruit), they spend most of their time learning about rats and planning for the next war to rage. Adding to this amazing and unbelievable account of what really happens in the world outside the urban jungle, in the real jungle, is the fact that the area Mizoram is one of the most secluded and hardest to reach corners of the world. They are a group far from the domestication and westernization of most of the world. I’m not exaggerating when I say their lives are sustained on bamboo. The author lists tables, barrels, houses, toys, all created from bamboo. They use the edible part (unscientific and I don’t have the article in front of me right now. Deal with it.) for the main portion of their diets. I feel like there is hope that the modernization and destruction of the environment will not overwhelm the whole planet when I hear about places like this that still survive without all the hoo haa of developed countries and Tyra Banks. The article notes that this circle of destruction that the bamboo goes through is probably to be reborn anew, to start over, start fresh. That maybe the whole planet will be ready to brush off all the oil and gas we create someday and destroy itself to start anew. Circle of Life. Hakuna Matata.

Its far fetched I know, to say the world is going to just dissolve into dust, giving a big “ef you” to humans. But I promise the article said it much more articulately, much more realistically, much more frightening. Like I finished the article and had a sudden need to go to the botanical gardens and give them a “Thanks for everything!” card

…..I should probably make Doc do a fact check on this entry before I make a foul out of myself with this Green Love protest…..

Every man wants to be part of a heist

A wise man once said "There are a few things men want more than sex. Every man wants to be part of a heist." That wise man was Dane Cook.

I always though that parents blaming the media and video games for corrupting their children was a load of psych crap finger-pointing (not directed at you Erin). Take responsibility for your children. And get your pets spayed or neutered. But four college kids from Kentucky are behind bars for basing an artifact heist on tricks of the trade they saw in classic 21st century heist movies like the Oceans and Snatch. My opinion was counteracted. 4 friends blind sided a librarian at the University of Kentucky library and attempted to steal something like $12 million worth of 1st edition breakthrough science textbooks that included Darwin's The Origin of Species. John Falk turned Vanity Fair into a literary Bourne Ultimatum with his article "Majoring in Crime" (The Vanity Fair print was not posted on the website. This is a summary of the feature from the local paper where the heist took place.) He went to the prison where the guys are serving their 7 year sentences. Since the law has already caught up with them, there was no reason to hold back on the plan.

The article goes into detail about how the idea came about (a smoke down in a dorm room), how they planned it (talks with "our guy", watching Snatch, Oceans 11/12/13, Reservoir dogs, jetting over to NYC and Amsterdam to plan the black market sale of the books with characters worthy of villain parts in the next Italian Job), how they tried to execute it the first time (failed because their timing interfered with one of the guys final exams.), how it finally went down (taser the old librarian and stuff as many books as possible into a bedsheet), the loop hole (they didn't know where the emergency exit was), the chase (four 20 year olds vs four librarians and an escape van borrowed from someones mom), and the escape (in time for one dudes tennis final exam). The suspenseful part was post-capture. The guys had to travel to NYC to get the books appraised at Christie's (the black market buyer would only accept the books with a proper appraisal of the value) but the clock was ticking because within a week the news of the stolen books would be public and they would be caught with their hand in the cookie jar if they waltzed into the famous auction house with the books. They made it to NYC but the appraiser hesitated to give them the value because of their age (20 years old) manor (20 years old) and lack of knowledge of the history of the books. The plan came to a halt as they waited to hear back from Christie's. Within that time, investigators in Kentucky pieced together the crime. The guys knew the plan had come unraveled and in the following weeks they went about their business as usual and waited for their arrests, which came shortly after. Gen Y 0 Librarians 1

Sounds like a cop out ending at first, but the articles ends with the big question "WHY?" The guys explained that they basically had nothing to lose. College wasn't for them. Their small town didn't fit them. They didn't want to end up pigeonholed in a dead end job in a dead end city. They wanted more. So when they plans were coming together for the heist, they had to ask "what if?" What if they got away with it? They would each have millions to their name. They would flee the country and live in the Mediterranean with yachts and women and booze, like another James Bond or Max Burdett. And what if they get caught? They go to jail for a few years, and after they come out, they will be forced to start over. They will have to move out of the small town to preserve their dignity and start fresh, start over. Win win.

To imagine the lengths these people went through to rid themselves of their past, to move forward and create a better life for themselves, one they believe they deserve, seemed so out of touch with reality. But the big picture of that, that giant risky move to get what you want out of life, happens every day. Especially to Gen Yer that are now being forced out of school and into real life, force to decide what to make of their life. I made the jump a few months back when I decided to uproot from Cleveland and try out a taste of this big city life (which is working out pretty damn well) I guess we all have our own ways of finding what fits for us. To each his own.